From Religious Trauma to Self-Love: A Journey of Inner Healing
The gold is always in the shadows. — Carl Jung
The weight of growing up in a Christian family and serving in church leadership left an indelible mark on my spiritual journey. For years, I carried the burden of religious expectations, only to later realize the profound impact it had on my psyche and well-being.
Breaking Free from Religious Conditioning
After stepping away from organized Christianity, I embarked on a personal quest to reconstruct my spiritual identity. This transformation wasn't just about leaving a belief system behind—it was about actively opposing the deeply ingrained patterns of patriarchy, sexism, racism, and various phobias that often characterize traditional religious structures.
The most challenging initial hurdle was confronting the "sin" narrative that had been deeply embedded in my consciousness. Years of being told I was inherently flawed and in need of redemption had created a profound trauma that resided not just in my mind, but in my very body. To address this, I sought healing through various modalities—psychological therapy, somatic work, hypnotherapy, and psychedelic-assisted therapy. Each approach contributed to my healing journey in its own unique way.
The Unexpected Challenge of Integration
What caught me off guard wasn't the deconstruction process—it was the reconstruction. Once I had begun to dismantle these harmful belief systems, I faced an unexpected challenge: how to integrate all the parts of myself I had previously rejected. It wasn't enough to intellectually understand that my sexuality, creativity, individuality, and desires weren't sinful; I needed to fully embrace these aspects as essential, beautiful parts of my being.
Finding Peace in Stillness
Ironically, the most powerful tool for integration has been the simplest yet most challenging: embracing stillness and silence. In these quiet moments, when there's nothing to do but be present with my thoughts and feelings, true acceptance emerges. Resistance only leads to suffering, while patient presence allows these elements to transform into creative energy.
The Power of Radical Self-Acceptance
This entire journey can be distilled into a simple yet profound concept: loving myself. But this isn't the superficial self-love often promoted in popular culture. Instead, it's about radical acceptance of existence—embracing every aspect of who I am, including the parts I was taught to shame and reject.
Imagine a world where everyone practiced this kind of radical acceptance—first for themselves, then for others. Such a shift in consciousness could transform our world in an instant, creating a ripple effect of healing and authentic connection.
The journey from religious trauma to self-love isn't linear, and it isn't always easy. But it's a path worth walking, leading to a more authentic and integrated way of being in the world.